All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
