Umm I'm too high to move.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
