So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
