The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
