I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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