i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
