I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I looked at my own cervix.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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