I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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