This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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