Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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