Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
