The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
