New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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