Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
