If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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