Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
