Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
