I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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