I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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