maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We have started to decorate penises.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
