Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
