i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
