she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
