Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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