And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Randomize
