I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
