A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
