im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
