Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
