I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
