My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
