Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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