Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
