I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
