I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
