based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
