my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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