He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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