You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
