Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
