Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize