yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
