I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
