So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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