This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
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sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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