saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
