im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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