The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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