Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Randomize
