Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
