So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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