and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
