I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize