i don't like sucking hair
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
