I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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