apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
