I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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