I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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