Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
