My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
