i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
