I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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