sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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