when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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