I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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