me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
