I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We talked him into tasing himself.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
