Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
