I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
