I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize