I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
someone owes me an orgasm
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
