I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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