Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
