More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
