This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
