remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
