she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
