You smell like a Billy Joel song
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
