just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
