guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize