we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
