I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
