and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
