worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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