Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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