Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize