can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
