I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
