I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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