Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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