so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
