I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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