when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
