Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
