Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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