My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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