Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
