I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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