My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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