Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
