I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Congratulations! We have a period
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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