never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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