It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
