is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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