Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
