If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Randomize
