I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
