My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
